Conflict with Others
For arguments, tension, escalation or communicative friction in relationships.
- 24
- entries
- 3
- roles
- 2
- Clusters
What this is about
Interpersonal conflicts are characterized by competing goals or needs where at least one party perceives their interests as being disregarded. DBT treats conflicts not as problems to be avoided but as situations requiring navigation with both goal clarity and relationship care.
The relevant skill categories are interpersonal effectiveness (DEAR MAN for goal pursuit, GIVE for relationship preservation, FAST for self-respect), emotion regulation to reduce activation before engaging, and mindfulness. The key clinical distinction is whether the primary goal is the outcome (what I want), the relationship (how I want to feel about this person afterward), or self-respect (how I want to feel about myself). Premature problem-solving without first managing emotional arousal is the most common failure mode.
How this situation shows up
Body signals, typical communication impulses, and course patterns in relationship dynamics.
- BodyTension in chest and shoulders, increased heart rate, tense jaw, cramped stomach, warmth in face, urge to move
- Typical impulseAttacking and wanting to be right, remaining silent and withdrawing, saving the relationship by giving in, wanting to convince the other person
- Course and dynamicsEscalation in conflicts often follows escalation levels. Early exit from loops is more effective than de-escalation at the top. Skills work better in medium arousal than in full arousal.
First entry (1)
The most direct first step for this situation.
Orient (5)
Helps frame the situation and gain an overview.
Interpersonal Values and Ratios
Before choosing an interpersonal skill, it must first be clarified whether goals, relationships or self-respect are the guiding criteria.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
Communication Effectiveness Checklist
If communication is to be improved by making it clear which elements were effective and where the conversation lost its effectiveness.
Also in: Emotion Regulation · Mindfulness
Is This Validation or Mutual Validation?
If validation seems too narrow, but mutual validation perhaps means more negotiation than pure resonance.
Also in: Interpersonal Effectiveness
Is This Assertiveness Scripts or DEAR MAN?
If DEAR MAN seems too abstract, but Assertiveness Scripts is perhaps just a derived application and not a replacement for the bundle.
Also in: Interpersonal Effectiveness
What Belongs to This Bundle?
If you don't want to understand the individual sub-step, but rather the family logic of a bundle.
Also in: Mindfulness · Interpersonal Effectiveness · Emotion Regulation
Apply (18)
Concrete exercises and skills for the situation.
RAVEN Negotiation
When several interests have to be brought together in a negotiation or difficult vote without losing sight of the actual goal.
Also in: Mindfulness
DEAR MAN: Negotiate
When clarity should be maintained, but a rigid course would block the solution rather than promote it.
Also in: Mindfulness
GIVE: Gentle
When clarity is needed, but without additional harshness that puts unnecessary strain on the relationship.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
DEAR MAN: Mindful
When you already know what you want to say, but easily lose focus under pressure or resistance.
Also in: Mindfulness
Assertive Listening
When good interaction depends on understanding, questioning and self-advocacy being held together instead of just reacting or just arguing.
Also in: Mindfulness
GIVE
When a relationship needs to be protected, repaired or kept socially open in contact and the guiding question is not just the goal or self-respect.
Also in: Mindfulness
Middle Path Calendar
If Middle Path is to be documented as a recurring practice and stabilized over several days.
Also in: Interpersonal Effectiveness
DEAR MAN: Appear Confident
If there is content, but attitude, demeanor or inner security must support the issue even better.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
DEAR MAN: Assert
If a conversation otherwise remains non-binding and the core message must be clearly stated.
Also in: Mindfulness
DEAR MAN: Describe
When at the beginning of a difficult conversation, facts and observations need to be clarified before requests or feelings follow.
Also in: Mindfulness
DEAR MAN: Express
If after the description it should also be clear how the situation feels or affects you.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
DEAR MAN: Reinforce
When clarity of purpose alone is not enough and the conversation needs additional motivation for approval or cooperation.
Also in: Mindfulness
GIVE: Easy Manner
When relationship openness benefits from the pressure and heaviness being relaxed somewhat without trivializing the issue.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
GIVE: Interested
When openness in a relationship depends on you clearly sticking with the other person and not just with your own goals.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
GIVE: Validate
When relationship openness and defusing depend on the other person feeling understood.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
Mindfulness of Others
When contact requires a more conscious awareness of the other person before you react, judge or negotiate.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
Mutual Validation
When not only one person needs to be validated, but the relationship thrives on both perspectives becoming comprehensible.
Also in: Mindfulness
Validation
When de-escalation, resonance or understandable classification are needed first.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation