Interpersonal Values and Ratios
When goal, relationship and self-respect need to be rebalanced.
Organize the tensions between goal effectiveness, relationship protection and self-respect so that interpersonal decisions are not made one-dimensionally.
When does this fit?
Before choosing an interpersonal skill, it must first be clarified whether goals, relationships or self-respect are the guiding criteria.
Priority in the path
This node becomes especially important when conflict with others describes the actual situation.
What this is about
Interpersonal Values and Ratios addresses the question of how to decide how strongly to assert needs, requests, or refusals in a given relationship. DBT teaches that interpersonal effectiveness depends not just on having the right skills but on calibrating their intensity appropriately to the situation. Factors that increase the appropriateness of a strong request include: the request is legitimate, the need is urgent, the relationship can sustain it, and it does not violate one's values.
Factors that decrease it include: the other person's needs are also significant, relationship balance matters more than this particular outcome, and the cost to the relationship outweighs the benefit. The framework helps people stop under-asking (from deference or fear) and over-asking (from urgency or emotion mind).
Related exercise
Related content: Interpersonal effectiveness
Sources and references
Show where this node comes from and how source-near or practice-near it is.