Stay effective in relationships
Distinguish DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST and validation according to the aim of a conversation.
- 4
- Concepts
- 3
- Modules
- 4
- Situations
Guiding idea
Start here if it is unclear whether goal, relationship or self-respect currently takes priority.
Decision aid
These skills distinguish four directions of attention in contact: DEAR MAN pursues a concrete goal, GIVE protects the relationship and resonance, FAST keeps self-respect and values steady, Validation makes experience understandable and de-escalates. This cluster helps when you are not looking for just any interpersonal skill but need to clarify the priority in the conversation.
One possible starting point
Validation
Better to start here when a state first needs to be made understandable and emotionally defused before change or negotiation can hold.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
Other options
DEAR MAN
Better to start here when you need to achieve something, ask for something, say no or negotiate clearly.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
FAST
Better to start here when self-respect, fairness or inner coherence is under threat in the interaction.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
GIVE
Better to start here when the relationship, warmth and social connection need to be protected in the contact.
Also in: Mindfulness