Building effective relationships
Build contact, clarify priorities, listen, negotiate and express your needs.
- 8
- Concepts
- 3
- Modules
- 4
- Situations
Guiding idea
Start here if a conversation should not only succeed but also remain sustainable.
Decision aid
This cluster is the broad toolbox for sustainable relationship building: Compassion for Others and Validation open the contact, Interpersonal Values and Ratios clarify the weighting of goal, relationship and self-respect, FAST protects integrity, assertive listening and RAVEN carry understanding and negotiation, Assertiveness Scripts and DEAR MAN bring concerns into a clear form. In Linehan's logic it is not only about asserting yourself but about pursuing goals, not damaging relationships unnecessarily and keeping self-respect; the skills differ according to whether building contact, weighing up, listening, negotiating or clear advocacy is needed right now.
One possible starting point
Validation
Better to start here when an experience first needs to be made understandable and emotionally defused.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
Other options
Assertive Listening
Better to start here when active understanding and your own position need to be held together.
Also in: Mindfulness
Assertiveness Scripts
Better to start here when a concrete verbal form for a request, limit or feedback is missing.
Also in: Mindfulness
DEAR MAN
Better to start here when a concern needs to be put forward clearly, directly and effectively.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
FAST
Better to start here when relationship building must not come at the expense of fairness, values or self-respect.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
Interpersonal Values and Ratios
Better to start here when, before the conversation, it needs to be clarified how goal, relationship and self-respect should be weighted.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
Other-Compassion
Better to start here when devaluation or defensiveness in contact needs to soften before building is possible.
Also in: Mindfulness
RAVEN Negotiation
Better to start here when a conversation needs real negotiation instead of pure demanding or giving in.
Also in: Mindfulness