DEAR MAN: Assert
DEAR MANAssert(= Fordern)
When a request, boundary or position needs to be presented clearly and directly.
Express the actual request, limit or position directly so that the conversation has a clear direction and not just a circle.
When does this fit?
If a conversation otherwise remains non-binding and the core message must be clearly stated.
Priority in the path
This node becomes especially important when conflict with others describes the actual situation.
What this is about
Assert is the third and central step of DEAR MAN: asking clearly for what you want, or saying no clearly when you need to. The skill requires directness — not hinting, not suggesting, not waiting for the other person to figure it out. Asserting is not demanding or insisting; it is making your wish explicit and giving the other person the information they need to respond. Expressing a feeling is not asserting: saying I am frustrated is not the same as asking for a specific change.
Many people feel uncomfortable with direct requests, confusing assertiveness with aggression or entitlement. In DBT, Assert is understood as a basic interpersonal right: being clear about what you want is not imposing, it is informing.
Continue in practice
From single part to pattern
First return to the skill bundle and from there move to the next steps of the same structure.
Sources and references
Show where this node comes from and how source-near or practice-near it is.