QuestionSituationally important
Interpersonal Effectiveness

Is This Assertiveness Scripts or DEAR MAN?

Helps distinguish whether what is needed first is the full goal-effectiveness logic of DEAR MAN or a concrete verbal form for a difficult conversation.

Make the dividing line between canonical bundle and workbook-like usage template usable as a real navigation question.

When does this fit?

If DEAR MAN seems too abstract, but Assertiveness Scripts is perhaps just a derived application and not a replacement for the bundle.

Priority in the path

This node becomes especially important when conflict with others describes the actual situation.

What fits your situation?

Skill

Assertiveness Scripts

If a simple phrasing template is enough — start concretely with I think, I feel, I want.

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Skill bundle

DEAR MAN

If you need to ask, refuse, or negotiate deliberately — use the full DEAR MAN structure.

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What this is about

DEAR MAN and assertiveness scripts both support preparation for difficult interpersonal situations, but their structures differ in scope. DEAR MAN is Linehan's comprehensive sequence for objective effectiveness: the full bundle gives a request a coherent structure.

Assertiveness scripts from the McKay Workbook offer a simpler two-component structure that is easier to prepare in advance for self-study and verbal rehearsal. The question is whether a short, concrete wording aid is sufficient or whether the complete DEAR MAN sequence is needed. The shorter practical template and the more comprehensive bundle address related tasks at different levels of detail.

Further reading Linehan Manual — Ch. 8Further reading McKay Workbook — Ch. 9

Differences in detail

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Assertiveness Scripts

Primary question
What wording will support this conversation?
Direction
Make finding words and preparing the conversation concrete.
Typical context
Difficulty finding words, uncertainty, high stress, or a need for sentence starters.
  • Provide linguistic frameworks for difficult conversations so that clear self-advocacy does not fail due to word finding, uncertainty or stress.
  • When, before a conversation, not just the attitude but a concrete linguistic form is needed for a request, limit or feedback.
  • Start here when the attitude or goal is already roughly clear, but sentence starters, wording, or a conversation outline are missing.
  • provides concrete wording for requests, boundaries, or feedback
  • fits when finding words is difficult, stress is high, or starting the conversation feels daunting
  • asks first: How do I say this specifically?

DEAR MAN

Primary question
How do I build my request into a sequence for achieving my objective?
Direction
Fully structure a goal, request, boundary, or negotiation.
Typical context
A request, boundary, demand, negotiation, or clear statement of a goal.
  • Structuring interactions so that a specific goal can be effectively pursued, a request can be made, a boundary can be set, or a position can be clearly represented.
  • When primary reassurance, relationship protection or self-respect are not the priority, but rather the specific goal of the interaction must be pursued clearly and effectively.
  • Start here when a request, boundary, or negotiation first needs to be organized into a complete sequence for achieving your objective.
  • organizes the full sequence for achieving an objective, from description to negotiation
  • fits requests, boundaries, demands, and more complex negotiations
  • asks first: How do I structure my request effectively?

Context and background

Lighter phrasing template → Assertiveness Scripts. Full interpersonal goal structure → DEAR MAN.

Connections to modules

Sources and references

Show where this node comes from and how source-near or practice-near it is.