FAST
If you want to remain fair in your contact without betraying yourself.
Act in interactions in such a way that one's own self-respect is maintained without tipping over into submission, self-betrayal, shame spirals or rigid intransigence.
When does this fit?
When interactions typically leave behind self-devaluation, bitterness or the feeling of having lost or betrayed oneself.
Priority in the path
This node becomes especially important when set boundaries describes the actual situation.
What this is about
FAST is the DBT mnemonic for self-respect effectiveness skills — the skills used to maintain or increase self-respect during and after an interpersonal interaction. Each letter stands for: be Fair (to oneself and to the other person); no Apologies (no over-apologizing for having needs, opinions, or a point of view); Stick to values (avoid compromising integrity to get approval or avoid conflict); and be Truthful (no lying, no acting helpless, no exaggerating).
FAST skills address the inner cost of interaction: not just whether one got what one wanted, but whether one can respect oneself afterward. Self-respect is not maintained through always getting one's way, but through how one engages — whether the engagement reflects one's own values, honesty, and fairness.
The components
F – Fair: Fair bleiben
If you want to protect yourself without being unfair or degrading towards others.A – No apologies: keine unnötigen Entschuldigungen
When you have to stand up for something that doesn't need an apology, but otherwise you quickly make yourself smaller than necessary.S – Stick to values: bei Werten bleiben
When in contact, commitment to values becomes more important than short-term relief, approval or conflict avoidance.T – Truthful: wahrhaftig bleiben
When self-respect depends on remaining clear and truthful in contact, even when it is uncomfortable.
Continue in practice
DEAR MAN vs. GIVE vs. FAST
Helps distinguish whether goal effectiveness, relationship effectiveness, or self-respect currently has priority.
When choose this concept instead?
Start here when self-respect or inner congruence is under threat.
- prioritizes values, fairness, and self-respect
- fits guilt, withdrawal, or pressure toward self-betrayal
- asks first: How do I stay intact toward myself?
DEAR MAN
Related content
When primary reassurance, relationship protection or self-respect are not the priority, but rather the specific goal of the interaction must be pursued clearly and effectively.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
GIVE
Further connection
When a relationship needs to be protected, repaired or kept socially open in contact and the guiding question is not just the goal or self-respect.
Also in: Mindfulness
Sources and references
Show where this node comes from and how source-near or practice-near it is.