Preserve Self-Respect
For situations in which one's own values and self-esteem need to be protected.
- 7
- entries
- 3
- roles
What this is about
Self-respect in DBT is a distinct goal within interpersonal effectiveness, not reducible to either achieving outcomes or maintaining relationships. It involves acting in ways consistent with one's values, particularly when social pressure or fear of rejection creates competing pulls. The relevant skill category is FAST: be Fair to yourself, no Apologies for existing, Stick to values, be Truthful.
Self-respect becomes clinically relevant when patterns of chronic accommodation or value compromise accumulate — often without the person being aware. The distinction from self-esteem is important: self-respect is an action-based skill, not a feeling-state. Common mistakes include confusing self-respect with selfishness, or applying it so rigidly that relationships are damaged unnecessarily when GIVE skills would also address the concern.
How this situation shows up
Body signals, typical communication impulses, and course patterns in relationship dynamics.
- BodyShame or tightness when values are violated, relief when values are defended, discomfort when self-betrayal, inner tension between the desire for a relationship and integrity
- Typical impulseGiving in to avoid conflict, downplaying your own values, seeking recognition through adaptation, ignoring discomfort until it tips over
- Course and dynamicsLosses of self-respect accumulate. Individual small injuries can weaken your self-image in the long term. FAST skills help protect integrity without endangering relationships.
First entry (1)
The most direct first step for this situation.
Orient (1)
Helps frame the situation and gain an overview.
Apply (5)
Concrete exercises and skills for the situation.
FAST: no Apologies
When you have to stand up for something that doesn't need an apology, but otherwise you quickly make yourself smaller than necessary.
Also in: Emotion Regulation · Mindfulness
FAST: Fair
If you want to protect yourself without being unfair or degrading towards others.
Also in: Emotion Regulation · Mindfulness
DEAR MAN: Appear Confident
If there is content, but attitude, demeanor or inner security must support the issue even better.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
FAST: Truthful
When self-respect depends on remaining clear and truthful in contact, even when it is uncomfortable.
Also in: Emotion Regulation · Mindfulness
FAST: Stick to Values
When in contact, commitment to values becomes more important than short-term relief, approval or conflict avoidance.