Jealousy
For fear of loss in relationships, comparison pressure, or alarm at being replaced.
- 9
- entries
- 4
- roles
- 2
- Clusters
What this is about
Jealousy is rarely a single emotion; it usually combines fear of loss, shame about vulnerability, and anger at a perceived threat. In DBT, the central task is not to obey the control urge but to separate the ingredients: what are the facts, what story is being added, what need feels threatened, and where is self-respect becoming unstable?
Relevant skill categories are check-the-facts, mindfulness of activation, validation of vulnerability, and opposite action against impulsive controlling or clinging. The concrete opposite action for unjustified jealousy is letting go of control — allowing the other person space, sharing rather than securing. Otherwise jealousy quickly starts organizing the whole relationship.
How this emotion shows up
Body signals, typical action urge, and course as orientation for entering fitting skills.
- BodyTightness in chest and stomach, inner heat, alarm readiness, looping thoughts, tension in the face
- Action urgeControl, compare, seek reassurance, cling, attack, or pull away
- Course and intensityJealousy is usually a mixed emotion made of fear, shame, and anger. Check-the-facts, self-soothing, and self-respect matter more than impulsive control.
First entry (1)
The most direct first step for this situation.
Orient (3)
Helps frame the situation and gain an overview.
Check the Facts
If before opposing action or problem solving, it must first be checked whether the emotion and its intensity are appropriate to the facts.
Also in: Mindfulness
Mindfulness How-Skills
When it is not the next content but the inner execution attitude of mindfulness that needs to be clarified.
Also in: Distress Tolerance · Emotion Regulation · Interpersonal Effectiveness
Wise Mind
When, before the next step, an inner orientation is needed that takes both feelings and reason seriously.
Also in: Distress Tolerance · Emotion Regulation · Interpersonal Effectiveness
Apply (4)
Concrete exercises and skills for the situation.
Opposite Action
If Check the Facts speaks against the emotional reaction direction and the situation itself does not need to be changed primarily.
Also in: Distress Tolerance
Nonjudgmentally
When before further understanding or action, the evaluative narrowness must first be released so that reality can be seen more precisely again.
Also in: Distress Tolerance · Emotion Regulation · Interpersonal Effectiveness
GIVE
When a relationship needs to be protected, repaired or kept socially open in contact and the guiding question is not just the goal or self-respect.
Also in: Mindfulness
Validation
When de-escalation, resonance or understandable classification are needed first.
Also in: Mindfulness · Emotion Regulation
Stabilize (1)
Supports calming and regulation in the situation.